October 25, 2013

I have been in Captitan/Ruidoso for 3 months now.  (almost)  I like it, my job and living here.  I need to get out and do more.  I am going to Moriarty ALOT!  Maybe too much, every 2 or 3 weeks.  Or I have company.  Both I enjoy.  And I guess that is fine  I don't know what I will do when I have to spend a weekend here all by myself.  I have a feeling that is going to happen soon.

And that is ok.  I have some projects I would like to work on, some shops I would like to check out, some recipes to try.  I will be just fine, just like always.  

I am wondering if this is where I am supposed to be.   At first, I was sure it was.  Now, not so sure.  The teaching part is what I truly wonder about.  This week was difficult.  Students don't want to work, it is all my fault,  they don't have time, I don't explain,  Blah, blah, blah....

I am losing patience.  But yesterday, I had 4 students stay or come in during my prep and get help.  They all needed to, and they diid it of their own accord.  I feel like they went away with a better math understanding.  That is an upside.

But is it enough of an upside?  Time will tell.  Get through the year.  See what happens.  I want to enjoy going to work everyday.  This week, I simply did not want to be there.

I am sure there are other things going on.  It is getting close to November, the month we lost Manuel.  I think that takes more of a toll on us than we realize.  The whole month of 2008 is a whirlwind, yet so crystal clear, and foggy.  Crazy.  I find myself fighting the crying, don't do it, don't do it.  Then the dam breaks, tears are falling, and I am super sad.  It does not last long, usually.  I miss you Manuel, just a hug and "have I told you today?  I love you."  could easily get me through another year.  I find myself making references to you all the time.  Something you would do, (yesterday your sock tan line from track), your one liners, the smell of you,(I wore your cologne the other day, not the same).....

Five years.  I can't believe it.  I wish I could find my place where I can feel you spirit, feel you touch me, see you light.  I do not know how to get there.  Could you just smack me and let me know you are right here, with me, beside me, arms around me, loving me, supporting me.  More crazy, right?  It sure feels good to write this.

 My bet is that Meg will read it,  I am sorry Megan.  Just needed to write.   I love you.

Speaking of Megan, if you are watching, you know what great human beings we have raised.  They are the two most incredible people I know.  I am sure  part of that is the journey we have suffered through these last few years without you.  But they are strong, smart, kind and loving.  Both know what a good health relationship is, thanks to the example they were given.  Manny loves college.  It reminds my of how you used to say you could have gone to school forever.  And Megan is pretty good at seeing the whole picture, just like you.  We could not have asked for more.

Enough sad.  Today I am going to Moriarty.  Yes, again!  They are having a Grad party for Jude.  So will get to see everyone.  (not always an easy thing, but enjoyable)    Taking Wendy to the vet and cooking dinner for Misty and her family tonight.  I hope to see Shannon and Lisa, but not sure I will.  I have not seen Martha in forever.  I am looking forward to visiting with her.  There will be lots of hugs this weekend.  I AM looking forward to that.

Till next time......

October 2

This is what one of my students wrote on my board today.  We were talking about what I say and what they hear/what it means to them.  It shed some light on what goes on in kids heads, what I do say, and how sometimes, I have completely lost them.  By the way, I never say Dumb, Dumb.  We all had a good laugh, but it did make me think about how I do say things and how is sounds to them.

Last week, we had a great learning day or two.  This week as well.  It is that one incredible day every once in awhile, that makes teaching such a great job.  Plus the students.  They truly make it, every day.  

Now, Meg.   She is working hard to get fit and feel good.  It will make a difference in her life.  Go Girl!  And Manuel, he loves school (UNM)  the liberal thinking, great conversations, and his own space.  I could be the luckiest mom in the world.  What great young people.  

Quote of the day.  A mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is open!  Heard it on NPR, don't you love it.  

To all, Happy Fall, enjoy the weather, and have a great rest of the week.